Parents, we and our families see all the health care workers on television wearing masks to protect them from being vulnerable to the very mean and nasty Coronavirus. Many of them have told us they must wear the same one all day long, because there don’t seem to be enough. The virus is a real threat and it induces a lot of stress, the masks and other PPE’s are some of few protections against this new virus that humans have not yet built an immunity.
I noticed the other day how easy it is for me to put on a mask in my house when I’m feeling anxious. The unrelenting stresses during this time, shut down my thinking and self-aware part of my brain. I need that part of my brian to help me process the stressful information and respond to it in healthy ways. The fight, flight or freeze part of my brain is triggered and its “Katy bar the door!” My mind then begins to perceive everything as a threat, so I quickly grab my angry mask and I wear it all day to protect me. It's as if my mind sees this mask as protection from both real and perceived threats, many of which are not threats at all. I’ve noticed that when I put my angry mask on, those around me have to put their angry mask on as well, because I have become a threat to them. The wisest man who ever lived says in Proverbs 15:1, “A gentle answer deflects anger, but harsh words make tempers flare” I have a choice. I can be gentle or harsh, but the people around me will typically follow suit.
I have not yet built an immunity to this level of toxic stress, but the good news is, just like God made my body to build an immunity to viruses, He gave me a mind that can learn how to overcome the effect of the stress I am encountering. God made us resilient.
I appreciated Brené Brown saying that her family has a “check-in” time at dinner each day. The table becomes a safe place to say just a word about how they are feeling. She also says they have some household rules about how they treat each other. Rules like: no angry words and no nice words with an angry face. They also have rules like: lots of smiles, laughing and singing and puns and jokes. Exercises and rules like this seem to keep the blood flowing to the part of the brain that reminds them of who they really are, how they think and act and how they treat each other regardless of the stresses. I may include having the family also talk to God about our feelings and ask Him to show us how to keep acting like His children act during a situation like this.
The apostle Paul knew of the insidiousness of anger and he warns the people he loves, “‘...don’t sin by letting anger control you.’ Don’t let the sun go down while you are still angry, for anger gives a foothold to the devil.” Ephesians 4:26-27 If you perceive that you or someone in your family is putting on the angry mask, take a timeout, process your stress with feeling words, make it a safe place to pull the mask off and be vulnerable. Pray with them about it and definitely don’t leave it for the next day. Lots of hugs, gentle words, prayers and expressions of what is happening inside will help us build up immunity to the viral stressors around us and make us resilient to conquer what is ahead.