Parenting Safari

As our family grew I lost any of the coolness that I ever thought I had.  As more bundles of joy began blessing our home, the first thing to go was the sporty SUV.  We needed something much more practical, a Minivan.  We started with two old Chrysler Town and Countrys with wood panel decals, then finally a GMC Safari. That van had three rows of “don’t make me come back there” seating for 8. It was “so not cool”, but we discovered that the minivan was a great place to disciple our kids. They were captive in car seats, they had no control over the audio, and it was the first place Mom could help them process what happened at school, sports practice, or a friend’s house.

With four kids, we were always going somewhere… school, soccer, dance, swim, church and long trips to see the relatives. The minivan became a little chapel on wheels for our kids and their friends. We began with an opening prayer for a “hedge of protection” around our vehicle. As you can imagine, these preacher’s kids also had to listen to Bible Songs, Kids’ Praise music, and every episode of Veggietales. (And if you turned it up loud enough it would drown out even the most obnoxious whining.) When it was a bad day, conversations were steered toward God’s amazing love and forgiveness. When there were challenges to be faced the next day with a tough assignment or a difficult classmate, the discussion turned toward a Biblical life lesson. And when an ambulance came by we prayed for anyone who was hurt. The kids soon learned scripture and godly values as they rode around.

But don't get the wrong impression, just like most "churches," we also had our share of dysfunctional behavior in that van. Short tempered parents spewing angry outbursts at kids who were doing the best they could at the moment. Selfish choices to not share the snack or whatever. Sippy-cups thrown at siblings. Stopping at every other exit on a 2 hour trip, because, despite the warnings, at least one of them didn't use the restroom at the last stop. We definitely weren't the most emotionally or spiritually healthy van on the road, however, by God's grace He used it to help disciple all of us.

We were learning to share cheetos in that van, and to respect each other, and wait our turn to talk. We had a lot of joy in that van too... Singing together (we are definitely not the Von Trapp family) and we often got to hear the latest joke or funny incident at school.

Perhaps some of the most important discipling came during middle school carpools. My wife would sit, listen and gently steer the conversation back to something more healthy when the language took a turn for the worse.Once, my wife had a daily 45 minute commute each way to the gym with 7 middle school cheerleaders. She was not sure what kind of impact her driver’s seat discipling had made on these girls from various family backgrounds. But when one of them broke her elbow trying to do a handspring, they all ran straight to my wife asking for prayer and looking to her for support.  

Maybe that rolling Bible-to-life-lesson classroom in the uncool van did make a difference… our adult children still want to follow Jesus...

Deuteronomy 6:5-7 (NIV) Love the LORD your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength. ⁶  These commandments that I give you today are to be upon your hearts. ⁷  Impress them on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you go along the road... 

This article appeared in GoodNews Christian Magazine March 2018, Page 22. https://issuu.com/goodnewschatt/docs/chattanooga_march_2018

Trust Your Training

“Train up a child in the way he should go; even when he is old he will not depart from it.” Proverbs 22:6 (ESV)

I have a friend who is a bicycle training coach with Echelon Cycling. His teams always do well in the competitions they enter. His training is intense and disciplined. Just before each race he tells each team member, “Trust Your Training.”  He knows that at points in the race, there are factors that trigger adrenaline and competitive fervor and cause you to take off like a rabbit. But that doesn’t leave energy for the rest of the race… and as we know from the childhood classic The Tortoise and The Hare, the race doesn’t always go to the fastest. (With the possible exception of Usain Bolt).

There are times in parenting when we can lose sight of how to raise our kids to follow Christ and we are just trying to hang on to the end of the race. There were lots of times in our home with four children that the chaos was pretty extreme.  I remember when an unsuspecting neighbor, who was an only child, came to our house for the first time after school.  All he could do was stand frozen at the door with his eyes and mouth wide open as pandemonium ensued… it was loud... backpacks and shoes had been dropped like landmines from the door to the pantry, in spite of their mother’s instruction to put everything in their “cubbies.”  The tyranny of the urgent need to get a snack had reduced them to hypoglycemic little gremlins racing for the snack box.  Eventually some semblance of  order returned after they had been revived by fruit rollups ( at the time it was a “healthy snack choice” now, we are not sure).

As parents, my wife and I heard different messages about how best to parent our children according to the latest trend. There was always a plethora of material out there, some of it was good, but some of it was modified puppy training. If we expect Pavlovian responses in our kids when they are small we can’t be surprised if they dog us when they are teens. Parenting is about healthy relationships, not just behavior modification. Though our little angels definitely needed behavior modification, we hoped do it in the context of a loving relationship with Jesus.

When my son was in college, we were a little worried if we had done our job with this human being God had placed in our lives.  His mother asked him if he was behaving.  He said, “Mom, trust your parenting!” We took a little guarded optimism about not ruining them completely. By God’s grace they are all still “in the faith.”

Parenting can be treacherous and confusing. But in the end when you pray a lot, stay in His Word and love them well, you will train up your children in the way they should go and they will not depart from it.  

Scottie the Miracle Dog!

When the kids were young, my wife and I tried to help our kids see the power of God revealed through prayer. We said prayers with them and tried to make a big deal of how and when God answered. At times, we even wrote our family prayer requests on a large sheet of paper stuck to the refrigerator, and then, when God answered we would write down the way He answered, put the date He answered and then we would all celebrate and thank Him for His Goodness. We wanted our four kids to see His power and love displayed in answered prayer.

This plan to teach our kids to pray was going great when my young son decided he wanted a dog. He prayed faithfully and fervently with my wife for weeks at bedtime prayers for that dog. I, however, had just become the senior pastor of a church that had recently survived an ugly split and with four young children, my plate was pretty full.  In my selfishness I justified not getting a dog because I didn’t have a lot more time or energy to add “pet care” to my “to do” list. So, thinking that I would eliminate the possibility of adding a new canine family member, I said, “Well the only way we are getting a dog, is if God puts one in our backyard.”  I felt extra assured that would not happen because the church had just built a 4 foot high chain link fence around the parsonage backyard. My son, however, was not shaken, he knew that God answered prayer, so he redoubled his prayer efforts.

Then you know what happened?  I woke up one morning and looked out the back door and there, right in the middle of the backyard, inside the fence, was a medium sized black dog that looked like a small wolf. Of course, I did a double take and said to myself, “I don’t see a dog in my backyard,” thinking maybe that if I denied seeing it, said dog it would disappear. So, I hoped that maybe the dog would just go away. But my son looked out the door and said, “that is the dog I’ve been praying for!” “God sent my dog!”.  I reluctantly put some water out for the poor mutt that had obviously been on the streets for a while. My animal-loving wife could do nothing but laugh at God’s sense of humor and her pastor husband’s lack of faith in the power of his son’s prayer. My son instantly named the mutt “Scottie”, before we actually knew the dog was a female. And so, from then on she was affectionately  known as “Scottie... the girl dog.”

But God was not through answering the prayers of that little boy and humbling this daddy. After a few weeks, I asked my wife, “how much are you feeding that dog? She’s getting fat.” She said I’m not feeding that dog any extra.  So, at that moment we looked at each other and said, “she’s pregnant!” So my God, “who is able to do exceedingly abundantly above all that we ask or think,”(Eph.3:20) gave that little boy and his sisters 6 more mutt puppies, much to their glee.  They did recognize that 7 dogs were probably too many to keep for ourselves. So, we all agreed to share the joy of puppies with other people. Fortunately it was the Holiday Season and we were able to advertise Christmas puppies and give them all away. But my whole family knew that God had abundantly answered the fervent prayers of a little boy.

Even now, all my kids are grown and they will call home, share their prayer requests with us believing God for answers, and we thank Him for His response.  The answers aren’t always exactly what we asked for, but we still recognize that God answers, even if He says. “No” or “Not yet.”  

I'm excited that a version of this story has been included in Guideposts: The Joys of Christmas 2019. https://www.shopguideposts.org/joys-of-christmas-2019.html 

Where Did the Time Go?

My oldest daughter is about to finish high school and join her brother in the ranks of college students. Last night my all grown up girl won an award for citizenship, was honored as a candidate for Miss EHS and gave a speech as the VP of her class. It seems like yesterday when she was a little toddler full of smiles, stepping in the paint bucket, babbling and chasing big brother in the back yard with a Barbie jeep.  At some point she grew up. Did she ever! She was like a grown up Miss America last night. She inspired and entertained us with her short encouraging speech and graciously and sincerely applauded the Mr and Miss EHS winners (2 wonderful students who are very deserving). She turns 18 today, old enough to smoke (hope she doesn't) and vote (hope she does), but not yet considered an adult in some ways (thank goodness).  Tomorrow she goes to prom. Wow, we were just doing the American Girl doll thing, learning to do backhandsprings, and watching Disney Princesses and Barney non-stop. 

But really isn't this is what it is all about?... growing up our children and launching them to make their own impact on this crazy world. Now is when we have to let go and hope that we have given them all they need to thrive in on this challenging planet. The bad parent anxieties haunt me: Did I teach her the right things? Did I give her some life skills to survive in the hostile world? Did I encourage her faith? Did I give her enough without overindulging her? It is her challenge now. Yes, I always want to be there for her when she needs something, but I want her to learn the skills to do things on her own. That means I have to learn the next part of parenting... parenting an adult (or almost adult).  Lord give me grace and wisdom!

My prayers are that in all my short comings, Christ will be her all in all, her daily Salvation, her Sustainer, Teacher, her Protector. 

Good job daughter! I love you, you're a winner, do your best! You will be just fine! Live, Grow, Keep your Faith, Change the World for Good.  Pray for your Daddy!