I sat as a twenty-six year old in the front yard of my childhood home in Knoxville, TN having returned there from more than half a decade of rebellion. My life was in shambles. My engagement to Anita was broken, I was broken. I was full of regrets for the narcissistic ways I had been living for the last several years and running from my call to ministry. A couple of years before God had gotten my attention and I had returned home, went back to my home church, enrolled in a masters program, but there was still much rebellion in my heart… The drizzle began to fall, tears were falling and I was crying out to God in prayer for my life.
I had been weed eating around the large flower beds of my parent’s home and I had accidentally cut through the power cord with the weed trimmer. I had found some wire pliers and electrical tape and sat down on the grass to strip the wire and make the repair. Then it began to drizzle rain. I was like, "what else Lord?"
I was listening to Michael W. Smith’s recently released song Agnus Dei on a fake Walkman cassette player with earphones. I was caught up in worship and weeping over God’s Holiness and the fact that, in spite of all my transgression and sin, He was letting me, the broken man that I was, come before His throne to praise His name, singing along, off key. I was praying for something to change and the pain to stop.
Just in that moment, my pliers completed the connection between the positive and negative wires that I had forgotten to unplug from the electrical outlet. Oh my!!! I experienced a long shock. The wet pliers and 110 volts held me fast in a painful spasm. Fortunately, somehow I was able to release my grip on the pliers and drop them to bring relief.
There was an abiding of me to the electrical wire that I had trouble disconnecting from. Perhaps this was symbolic of the sin that had held me fast in my rebellion and its painful consequences. In my fear, I had trusted in worldly wisdom. In those moments it was as if God was disconnecting me from this world and its evil ruler and was reminding me of my connection to Him. He was drawing me back to the call on my life into His Kingdom ministry. In those moments of worship and prayer, He was powerfully reconnecting me to Himself, changing my life, and bringing much needed love and joy. (I wish I could say that I never struggled again, but God kept, and still keeps faithfully maturing me and reminding me of the security of His love for me.)
Even in my rebellion, I had read my Bible almost everyday. I attended church on a regular basis, but I still wasn’t living like I belonged to Jesus, like I found my identity in Him. My life was selfish and I didn't value other people. My religion was a checklist of things to do to be seen as a "good person" rather than having a personal relationship of abiding with Him and loving the people He loves (i.e. "God so loved the World...").
In those shocking moments. God was answering my cries for help and answering the prayers of my parents and family friends who had been praying years for my rescue.
Within weeks, I began to see God working in my life in some big ways. Anita and I got married, I completed my masters degree and started seminary in Texas. We found an active healthy church that where we could serve. God connected us to a group of young couples with whom we could grow in our faith together. He led me to some internships with amazing pastors who taught me much about ministry and life.
There was amazing power in the way God had answered those prayers of desperation. He is still answering those prayers all these years later.
“Therefore tell the people: This is what the LORD Almighty says: ‘Return to me,’ declares the LORD Almighty, ‘and I will return to you,’ says the LORD Almighty.” Zechariah 1:3 NIV
