Out of Balance?*

 

As a kid, my sister and I  used to get excited to go to the playground. We had a few favorites that had forts to climb in and tunnels to run through. These were great for playing hide and seek.  One had really tall swings, that would tickle your stomach because you were going so high, and merry-go-rounds, that at a certain RPM, would sling us off when the centripetal force pulled our sweaty little hands off the metal handles, flinging us spiraling to the ground. This was back before the cushioned, rubberized playground coverings and soft mulch, so we got some playground rash raspberries coated in dirt. Some places had seesaws. I always thought the seesaws would be more fun. My sister would get on the other side and because she was older, she weighed more than my skinny childhood self. She had to push a little harder with her legs to make my side go down, so eventually she got tired and just jumped off to go play something else, slamming me to the ground, jarring my whole body, causing me to bite my tongue or clack my teeth together.  

‭‭In Proverbs‬ ‭21:21‬, the wisest man to ever live says,“The one who pursues righteousness and faithful love will find life, righteousness, and honor.” There is a balancing act with this verse between righteousness AND faithful love. If we get it right, there are blessings and life is good! But if we are out of balance, someone gets slammed to the ground like a pile driving teeter totter. Having only righteousness leads us to a fear based, pharisaical self righteousness that is arrogant, narrow minded, and judgmental and God is sure to humble us for not having love for others. But having only love can lead us to accept, embrace, even celebrate sinful behavior, and in doing so, we disrespect God. We and others are harmed because we are going to break ourselves against the Rock Solid Truth of God’s Word. Jesus reminds us of this balance when He says, the greatest commandments are to love God and love others. ‬He also says, if we love Him, we will obey His commands, and interestingly, He additionally gives us a new command to love others as He does. 

I’m no Hebrew scholar, but my research led me to some interesting discoveries. The Hebrew Word for righteousness is… tsedaqah. You can remember it by remembering the American Pop singer, Neil Sedaka (Breaking up is hard to do). Tsedaqah is right living, right behavior, right thinking, being right with God in all things. It’s the way God’s people act and think when we belong rightly to Him. The Hebrew word for faithful love is hesed. It is a complex word that has several elements: God gives hesed freely, it is Who He is. It is His loving attachment to us. There is an expectation that God’s People will reciprocate this love back to Him. Hesed also has the expectation that God’s people will share His hesed with others.  Faithful love does not end, it is forever. Hesed is unconditional, it is the “I love you no matter what”kind of love. Hesed is a way of living, it permeates life and involves mercy, grace, kindness, favor… in love.  

So Soloman says, pursuing a balance of righteousness (tsedaqah) and faithful love (hesed) come with a promise that we will discover life, righteousness and honor. The Hebrew word for life is chayyah. Its plural form, chayyim and is used as a blessing or toast today. Chayyim also has complex meanings:  life, health, longevity, refreshment, nourishment, and maturity or growth.  We have already looked at righteousness (tsedaqah). The Hebrew word for honor is kavod, meaning glory, honor, respect, distinction, and importance. The word actually means heavy or weighty. When someone has kavod, they are the person others turn to when important answers are being sought. 

The truth is we are not capable of living right or loving right unless we have a relationship with Jesus, who is perfect in both of these things. He is perfectly righteous and perfectly loving. He is our righteousness and He is love. As we belong to Him and we belong to those who belong to Him (the church), we begin to mature and act more and more like Him.  Apart from Him we can’t do either of these things. As we grow in Him, He blesses us with more life, righteousness and honor. So, let's ask God to balance our righteousness and love teeter totter. We gotta be careful not to disrespect God, by embracing or celebrating the sins of those we love. God's Word is the Rock Solid Truth and it doesn't end well when we say wrong things are right to try to please people. We also, havta be careful love people and not to become self-righteous and judgy. The last time I checked God says we've all messed up.

Hang in there people! God is glad to be with us! I’m praying for us all!

Joy Substitutes*

Tall Eastern White Pines bordered the property between my preteen home and the neighborhood church.  One of the tree’s low branches invited me to climb up after a particularly difficult day of Middle School.  As I climbed, I looked for the next branch, until I reached my perch, 3 or 4 stories up. My heart pounded with the adrenaline rush from looking down. I felt a bit dizzy, but exhilarated.  I was well hidden in the dark green canopy, but coated in sticky sap.  I could feel and hear the breeze as it quietly whistled through the needles. It made the tree sway gently. I was suspended there between childhood and young adulthood, heaven and earth, faith and fear. It helped me forget the pain I felt not knowing what to do with the butterflies in my stomach I experienced when I was around girls, or the knot that lodged there when the bullies were close enough to threaten, give a “wedgie,” “nuggie,” a sock in the arm, or deadlegging me. I was also not sure what to do with the disappointment (my own and my parent’s) that came from the increasing number of red marks on my papers, which felt as real as the red heat of an embarrassed face when I responded awkwardly in social situations, or the red marks inflicted on my body by schoolmates who pushed, punched or pinched to show their dominance. My adventurous heart was getting wounded, so I took flight to the tree that day. Another day I may have self medicated with a loaf of bread made into cinnamon toast smothered in butter, or played hours of sports, or escaped to the far reaches of the neighborhood on my bike. Or, perhaps, endlessly mindlessly watching afternoon television featuring Gilligan’s Island and other favorites which left me 30 minutes dumber but still amused enough to not have to think about the day’s challenges and defeats. There were many ways of attempting to "just make it stop hurting." On even more challenging days, I would go nap for hours to escape it all before dinner. 

As a new believer I wondered, where was Jesus?  What could He do when the cute girl flirted with me (or didn’t even acknowledge me) and I said something awkward, silly or inappropriate.  Where was He when the overaggressive classmate made sure I “knew who was boss.” And where was He when the angst, anxiety and fear chemicals took over my brain, rendering it incapable of recalling what I had just read or studied? I read my Bible often and was at church as often as I could go, even attending the church next door on the Sundays my family didn’t go to our church across town. But I couldn’t be at church or reading my Bible every time trouble, temptation, or pain came my way.  It was difficult to grasp what it meant in Matt 1:23, that Jesus was called Immanuel, meaning “God WITH us.” I had trouble understanding that the Holy Spirit actually lived IN me (John 14:17), My concrete brain still struggled with where He was when all the physical and emotional pain was happening. I wanted Jesus to actually physically be with me. I was like the Sons of Thunder, I wanted Him to strike the bullies with retribution, not thinking perhaps they were all hurting too and inflicting pain on me was one of their attempts at escaping their own pain.

It took me many years to understand that, as promised, God had never left me or forsaken me, even in the middle of my traumatic experiences (Ps. 9:10).  God was glad to be with me as I endured the hardships, but I wanted something more instant and tangible to escape the discomfort, so, self medication came in many forms for me: endless activity, food, sleep, adrenaline rush, solitude, anger, and even more destructive addictive behaviors as life went on. I sought whatever would give my brain a chemical bath and make me feel better for the moment.  These things actually added more pain from guilt, regret, and shame.  

The definition of joy is “the emotion you have when someone is glad to be with you.” We desire joy from the time we are born, we look for it in the eyes of our parents and those who are in our world. The angel, at the announcement of Christ, said in Luke 2:10, “I bring you good tidings of great Joy that will be for all the people.”  God is glad to be with us in great times and hard times, but too often we settle for “joy substitutes,” otherwise known as addictions and self-medications when we are hurting. Researcher Brene Brown says, “We are the most in-debt, obese, addicted and medicated adult cohort in U.S. history.” Our joy substitutes have squeezed God out of our consciousness, fooling us to believe that God lied to us and that He is not with us in our most difficult moments. God does not lie, He IS with us whether He allows us to experience  difficulties or not. We have to leave room for Him in our awareness, so we can notice His omni-presence. In order to find that He is with us, we must be seeking relationship with Him, not just seeking relief from our problems and pain. Through the “Weeping Prophet,” God says, “You will seek me and find me, when you seek me with all your heart.”(Jeremiah 29:13) We cannot keep running to whatever numbs or stimulates us just to make the pain stop momentarily. The pain, guilt, shame, and regret just returns as soon as the chemical brain bath subsides. We gotta start with the most important relationship (our relationship with God), and go for real joy, not joy substitutes.

Hang in there people! God is glad to be with us! I’m praying for us all!

Beautiful, But Empty!*

Photo: Carrie Borden

After my freshman year in high school, I had the wonderful privilege of going with my choir to Europe. Yes, you read that correctly, I sang in the choir in High School, not because of my vocal abilities, but because I needed another extracurricular activity to “round out”my time with the Swim Team and Student Government.  We toured and sang in Germany, France, Austria, Switzerland... we floated the Rhine River, went to the bear pits in Bern, and saw the beautiful Alps from the resort town of St. Moritz, went to the tiny country of Liechtenstein, went to the place of the filming of The Sound of Music, we even sang in the Mozarteum.  The bus was our second home, because we were only in cities for a night or maybe two. The guys once had to pick up a small car to move it so the bus could get through the narrow streets. The trip was wonderful, the acoustics in the Cathedrals in which we sang in Latin and English were amazing. The tones came alive, echoing and reverberating off the beautifully decorated ceilings, stained glass windows, stone floors, and walls and beautifully crafted wood pews, lofts, and pulpits. The buildings used to be some of the largest, most ornate buildings full of people when the Christian faith was highly valued in Europe. Now, the buildings are largely empty and faith is only practiced by a few.  We loved every city and had wonderful experiences. Our least favorite city was Paris, not because "The City of Lights" wasn't wonderful with the Eiffel Tower, Arc de Triomphe, Musée du Louvre and other sites, but because someone pulled a gun on us in the train station our first hours there and our hotel wasn't in the best district. On the last morning in France as we were boarding the bus for the Charles de Gaulle airport to return home, I noticed my sister and her friend were not on the bus. Just before they closed the doors, I ran up to their room and frantically knocked on the door with no response. I kept knocking. They sleepily opened the door with a "What is your problem?" attitude. I began yelling, “the bus is leaving.” Their eyes got large, they said something about the alarm not going off and slammed the door in my face.  They threw clothes on and grabbed  their bags. We barely made it. Because the bus had such a thin margin of time to get us to the airport, the driver would have had to leave the two teens in Paris to fend for themselves, so the rest of the group could make it to the plane in time. 

When Jesus was giving the church a warning, He tells them to wake up, turn back to Him, and strengthen their faith before He surprises them with an unexpected and unpleasant visit. The people, who, at first glance, had an attractive facade of  being His people, weren’t acting like Him. They had gone away from their relationship with Him and their faith was empty. They were about to miss the boat.  To one of the early churches He says, “I know your deeds; you have a reputation of being alive, but you are dead. Wake up! Strengthen what remains and is about to die, for I have not found your deeds complete in the sight of my God. Remember, therefore, what you have received and heard; obey it, and repent. But if you do not wake up, I will come like a thief, and you will not know at what time I will come to you.” (Revelation 3:1b –3) I believe this warning is not only for the church at Sardis, but churches in Europe, our own country and around the world right now. As one of our U.S. presidents said, “Whatever we once were, we are no longer a Christian nation.” We need to make sure we are hearing the alarm. We need to make sure we are awake,  refresh our connection to Jesus and act like His people act once again. 

Hang in there people! God is glad to be with us! I’m praying for us all!

The Waters Will Not Overwhelm You.*

The first time I tried waterskiing was not what I expected. I had seen others hang on to the rope behind the boat, come out of the water, stand up, cross the wake and gently sink after letting go of the rope. But my first time, I held the rope, the boat took off, and pulled me right out of my skis. One important bit of information that my instructor failed to tell me, was to let go of the rope if you don’t get up. I had a nasal flush that filled my head and throat and when I finally was overwhelmed by the water, I let go of the rope. I began coughing up and spewing from my mouth what felt like half the lake. My head felt like a water balloon. But undeterred I was determined to try this skiing thing. After a few more tries, I got up and wobbled around behind the boat. Bent over and knock-kneed, I must have looked like a skinny, white, Gumby bobbing around on the waves, until I fell. No one told me that the water feels like concrete on impact at that speed. However, I was hooked, I loved skiing. I can’t imagine the exhilaration Peter felt when he climbed out of the boat onto the waves to walk to Jesus, but this skiing thing was pretty exciting. I eventually learned to slalom, trick, barefoot, jump, and even tried tournament skiing. I took third place in the state of Tennessee in trick skiing as a teen (not a big deal, there were only 3 of us). I even became a ski instructor for a few Summers at my Day Camp. My family bought a houseboat on Norris Lake so we could be on the water almost every weekend in the Summers of my middle and high school years. (Of course on Sundays, however, we went to church first. We had our swimsuits in the car or on under our Sunday clothes, and the boat attached ready to go to the lake right after the last “Amen.”). I eventually learned that I enjoyed being on the lake with the people I loved, and skiing for fun more than competing, but a friend I skied with really loved the competition and went on to win several tournaments and compete nationally in ski jumping for many years until his knees finally gave out. There are many good memories of family and friends on the lake enjoying the Sun, fun, water skiing, and each other. 

 The prophet Isaiah in His warnings to Israel and surrounding peoples, reminded God’s people of Who He is: He is a God of judgment for those who choose to be His enemies, but those who belong to Him can be sure of His great love, grace, forgiveness, and mercy. Isaiah tells God’s people: “When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and when you pass through the rivers, they will not sweep over you. When you walk through the fire, you will not be burned; the flames will not set you ablaze. For I am the LORD, your God, the Holy One of Israel, your Savior;” (Isaiah 43:2–3 NIV) When we are barely hanging on and it feels like the stresses of this world are about to overwhelm us, God has us! He says, “For I am the LORD, your God, the Holy One of Israel, your Savior;” Jesus grabbed Peter when he was overwhelmed by the waves and lost sight of His Savior. He will do the same for us! 

 Hang in there people! God is glad to be with us! I’m praying for us all!