Parents, Tantrums and Peace: Words from COVID 19 quarantine

Parents at home with your children, with the new stresses of changed routines, news that is scary and hard to understand, and them perceiving your elevated stress levels, it can be easy for them to meltdown into a full tantrum. A few days ago, I saw an adult stuck in the traffic at Costco honking the horn and revving the engine in tantrum mode trying to park and find today's golden commodity, toilet paper! Brain science tells us that in a tantrum, the instinctual part of the brain goes into panic mode and chemicals shut down the other parts of the brain that enable them to calm down and remember who they are, how they act, and how they treat other people. At that point, everything feels like a threat and everyone seems like an enemy. So, If we react to our children from the same instinctual part of the brain, then there are no adult brains engaged in the process of coming out of this tailspin of negative emotions. The tantrums escalate and no one wins. When we belong to Christ, He gives us an amazing gift. A gift that reminds us who we are, how we act and how we treat other people. The gift comes simply because we belong to Him and it helps us act like Him and treat people like He does regardless of the circumstances. Before the chaos of Jesus' trials and crucifixion, he tells his disciples in John 14:27 (CSBBible) "Peace I leave with you. My peace I give to you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Don't let your heart be troubled or fearful.” What our children need is our gentle peaceful words and a hug when they have calmed down enough to receive one (this produces oxytocin and helps change the chemicals in the brain to get out of panic mode). We need to make sure that we are operating out of the right prefrontal cortex of our brain, the part that has to do with our true identity, who we are, Who we belong to (Jesus), and how we act. So, when the tantrums come, resist the urge to react, remember Who you belong to, remember the extraordinary gift that Jesus gives us for times just like these, and help train your child’s brain to do the same.