Parents, It’s a snow day 2. On the occasion that East Tennessee had a snow cancellations that lasted more than one day, the neighborhood kids escalated the creativity, competition, and often danger in how they enjoyed the sledding opportunities. One year I joined some friends on a new street in “the Hills” that was paved but had no houses yet. It was perfect for downhill sledding with little chance of cars coming. The fun and adventure was accelerated when the downhill runs became all out races. Friendly races became competitive races among friends, as is sometimes the case with eager-to-prove-themselves-and-fearful-of-not-fitting-in adolescent boys. I watched the first race, and laughed with nervous excitement as I saw all the competitors grapple and wrestle each other all the way down while still on their sleds. It was like the winter middle school version of Ben Hur’s chariot race (you youngsters can Google it; it was a classic before my time too), though it usually ended up in a spectacular crash and a laugh-talking rehash with color commentary about the whole race top to bottom. Occasionally there was someone who managed to make it down unchallenged, but usually only one race as they became the target of everyone the next time down with the words “get him!”. It was like Rollerball on ice (Rollerball a dystopian Sci/Fi Action film released in 1975, set in the year 2018, in which large corporations, not countries, actually ruled the world… interesting concept isn’t it?). It was like a funner more humane Hunger Games, where the winner gets bragging rights and maybe the validating attention of some neighborhood girls. As I jumped in on the next race, I was quickly tackled, coated in snow, and was unable to finish. The next few times down, I discovered that if I grabbed the back of someone’s sled and gave it a yank, gravity and centripetal forces did all the work and their sled would swerve off and hit the curb or better yet take out other competitors, and sometimes it would even flip the sled causing riders and sleds to snowball down the hill in an avalanche with attached human appendages sticking out. It was like a Law Enforcement PIT maneuver (Police Intervention Technique), when the officer uses the front of his vehicle to tap the rear side panel of the fleeing vehicle, causing them to lose control and the officer can apprehend a fleeing suspect. PAT worked to my advantage, winning a few Alpine ice war competitions, until others caught on to my game, then I was frequently the one rolling down the hill in an uncontrolled burrito spin, laughing and recounting the details of the spectacular snow spraying crash to anyone who would listen on the walk back up. Once I was flipped and the metal runner hit me, cutting my face, just below my eye leaving a patch of red snow at the scene of the incident. I applied direct pressure, as our health teacher had instructed us, with snow and a glove and began the long walk, dragging a sled back home. The intensity always seemed to escalate, but we were back together the next day, having fun. The games continued sans the snow with BB gun wars (“you’ll put your eye out”)… yeah, not the smartest of games, but we managed to escalate that too, to air rifles! Great times in the Hills of Lakemoor!
Wednesday, December 2, 2020
Parents, It's A Snow Day 2!* Words from COVID 19 quarantine
Just as the fun and competition always escalated among the boys in the hood, the emotional intensity could escalate too, and while this makes for a fun day for middle school boys and often subsides the next, it doesn’t always give us a great foundation to handle real-life conflict in a mature way that benefits the relationships around us. When I have the great privilege of counseling pre-marriage couples, we explore the best ways to handle inevitable conflict in our relationships. One of the worst ways to handle conflict is to escalate it. What begins as a simple misunderstanding, escalates to a shouting match, tossing verbal grenades at each other with increasing defensiveness and volatility, or stonewalling, just refusing to communicate at all, or patronizing criticism of our partner, or even outright contempt for the one we have connected our life with. In the long run no one wins and relationships avalanche downhill into anger and bitterness. We may win the day’s battle, but lose the relationship. James, the half brother of Jesus, reminds us that right relationships with God and others are most important even when emotions become intense. He gives us some good tools to help us stay relational and humble when things begin to escalate emotionally, “My dear brothers and sisters, understand this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to anger, for human anger does not accomplish God's righteousness.” James 1:19-20 (CSBBible) Often, when I feel threatened, I am quick to defend myself, quit listening, and start escalating. I become motivated by fear rather than love and begin to find ways to WIN. We are designed for relationship and when I seek to understand the person I’m in conflict with, it is an opportunity to enrich the relationship rather than destroy it. That way we both win. We seem to be living in a world driven by fear and divisiveness rather than love, forgiveness and understanding. We would all do well to be quicker to listen and understand, slower to speak, escalate, and become angry.
Hang in there people! God is with us! I’m praying for us all!
