Parents, yep, I really need that mulligan right now. It was a good day, productive day cleaning the house from the quarantine Easter celebration with 4 dogs and 4 young adult humans. We had time for some restful quietness, enjoyed a walk… It was a good day relationally, until, well, you know … Then it came. Fear snuck up on me as I opened the mail reminding me that the consequences of this pandemic are real. Fear jumped me and choked out the real me...the one Jesus has made into a new creation, and that “me” just sat unresponsively and watched it all happen. The fearful, old fleshly me, began to see everyone and everything as a threat, the rational, thoughtful and relational parts of my brain had shut down. The executive in the executive part of my brain had been knocked out and my limbic, lizard brain went into fight, flight or freeze mode...and this time it was fight mode and it came wielding hurtful undeserved words. Fear could have caused me to run away or stonewall, but this time it was rash angry words. The only person close was the same one with whom I had enjoyed a wonderful day. At the moment, the unwitting victim, the one who wasn’t threatening at all, didn’t know that the joy of the day had been replaced by fear and the person with whom she had just cleaned the house, enjoyed the walk, enjoyed a delicious home made soup, and joked and laughed was gone, numb, passed out. And in his place was Mr. Hyde. It wasn’t until the tears came that the new creation felt some compassion and woke up, heartbroken that his special one was hurt, but Mr. Knucklehead had already said the words, the toothpaste was out of the tube and they couldn’t be retrieved or put back. Apology was an inadequate salve for the hurtful words recklessly spewed regardless of how quickly it was offered. Now, the one who always quickly gives grace, was in protective mode, because I had caused hurt. Yep, I need that mulligan right now. Boy do I need that “do over!” I need that grace from God, because I had stopped trusting Him and said hurtful words to one of His precious children. I need that grace from the one I had said devaluing words to. No excuses… I have to own it. Just because fear bullied me and kicked my butt, doesn’t give me permission to forget who I really am in Christ and be mean to anyone else. That’s just not what God’s people do. I lost sight of the fact that God has been and is good and faithful all the time. There was nothing in that mail that He didn’t know about and hasn’t already made provision for.
Thankfully Jesus knows we can all be knuckleheads (that’s why He died for our sins), but hurting someone else is not acceptable. When we are out of relationship with another person, it affects our relationship with Him in a vital way. Jesus reminds us that when we follow Him, we belong to a community that doesn’t hurt other people, we value them. He doesn’t let us off the hook when we mess up, far from it, but he does tell us what His followers do to make things right. He says, "You have heard that it was said to our ancestors, Do not murder, and whoever murders will be subject to judgment.But I tell you, everyone who is angry with his brother or sister will be subject to judgment. Whoever insults his brother or sister, will be subject to the court. Whoever says, 'You fool!?' will be subject to hellfire. So if you are offering your gift on the altar, and there you remember that your brother or sister has something against you, leave your gift there in front of the altar. First go and be reconciled with your brother or sister, and then come and offer your gift. Matthew 5:21-24 (CSBBible) So, before I continue enjoying my quiet time with God, writing this post to my friends and attending live online Bible Study and worship with my church, I’ve got some reconciliation to do…
Hang in there people! God is with us! I’m praying for you all!
